Life of Rachel

I hear that his life is falling apart
That he’s gone back to his addiction.

I know it’s not my fault. I can’t make anyone do anything.

But I told him to stay sober. That I wasn’t worth losing his sobriety over.

He laughed and said it wasn’t for me anyway. It was for his very soul.

Then why do I hear whispers of slips and rumors of relapse mere days later?

I told him I’m not worth it. So why did he ruin his life again over losing me?

He had over a year down. I thought maybe while he was with me, that was in his past.

I really thought that wasn’t him anymore.

Perhaps pain is his permission slip.
A little pick me up to feel better.

Maybe drinking of something forbidden hydrates a broken heart and body better than water?

Maybe giving up your soul entirely makes the hurt lessen?

Perhaps I need to stop thinking of him.

Perhaps I need to heal me instead.