Life of Rachel

12/5, 7/11

A vast flooded open field during heavy rain, no people, no figures. Just the landscape — shallow floodwater stretching across the entire frame, reflecting a heavy overcast stormy sky. Lush green grass visible in the near foreground, gradually submerging into the floodwater. A row of tall palm trees and low trees bending in the wind along the distant horizon. Rain visibly falling, rippling the surface of the floodwater. The sky is dramatic, full of storm clouds. Portrait orientation. Processed to look like Kodak Gold 200 film: warm golden and amber color cast over the entire image, creamy overexposed highlights, slightly faded warm greens, heavy visible analog grain throughout — especially in the sky and dark water reflections — soft warm color bleed, slight halation. Nostalgic, atmospheric, vast, and quietly haunting.

I wanted to be the only. 

I wanted there to be no one else. 

In past prose, it seemed there was a sweeter love before me and for that I mourn: 

Please let me not have been a replacement. 

That’s all I want you to say. 

Tell me you did not love someone right before you gave me your battered heart. 

Tell me you had time to heal.

Tell me, I beg of you, that you did not use me. 

Tell me I broke pattern for you like you broke pattern for me. 

Lie to me one last time: 

Tell me that I am, 

Chosen not from need, but genuine want. 

Tell me that you really loved me. 

Tell me that with your whole heart you really only loved me the entirety of our time together. 

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